Right. Listen here. I ain't writin' this to make friends. I'm writin' it because too many mugs out there are callin' sugarwater and froth "beer" and thinkin' they've done something clever. They haven't. It's not beer. It's piss in a pint.
Let me tell ye about proper drink. It's called VioletCraft, and it's the only brew worth pourin' in this age or any before it. I'm Daredhar Purpleson, future master brewer of the one and only VioletCraft brewery, and I don't take kindly to watered-down ale and foam-faced frauds.
VioletCraft ain't for bardlings or silk-robed elves. It was born eight centuries back when my ancestor Thardouk asked the goddess Gezi how to brew the perfect drink. She didn't say add peaches and bubbles. She said make it strong like yer spirit and colorful like yerself. So he did. The brew came out purple, bold, and strong enough to kick the memory outta yer teeth.
You taste it, you remember. You feel the beard of yer ancestors growin' in on yer face, even if you're a bare-chinned halfling. It's brewed with Haytie turnips, wild blushrose, and a bit of dwarven spite. You feel it in yer chest before it even hits yer belly. One pint and you either find the strength of the gods or the floor.
This ain't just a drink. It's a tradition. It's what dwarves drink when they've mined a full day, fought off frost-trolls, and still have the fight left for another round. It's for those who work, who bleed, who live with pride and pass on somethin' worth the name.
I've seen folk try it, cough, weep, and walk out humbled. But I've also seen a few stand tall, raise the mug, and grin like they've been waiting their whole life for it.
That's who VioletCraft is for. Not for the sweet-tongued merchants or coinfingered weasels. For the strong, the stubborn, the tradition-bound. For those who know that a good drink should rattle the bones and sing in the blood.
So if you've got the steel, come to Wuzkwu. Find the purple door. Tell me yer name and your kin, and I'll hand ye a mug of destiny.
And if you don't like it… no worries. More for me.
Daredhar Purpleson Brewborn, Beardbound, and Proud to Be Both